|
piacere68
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Sarah
Birthday: 12/16/1981
Gender: Female
Interests: band, choir, music, kids, singing, trombone, euphonium, Tau Beta Sigma, John Mayer
Expertise: I'm the VP of SIsterhood for our chapter of TBS...not that it makes me an expert. I'm a choral ed major, defiantely not a choir expert. So I must say besides making kids laugh I am an expert at nothing.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  piacere68
Yahoo:  aeris7gainsborough
Member Since:
11/20/2002
|
|
| ------
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
The girl said, "NO!"
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat,
traveled more, had many boyfriends, didn't save money, and had all the
hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken
lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried
or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, and burped, swore,
and farted all the time.
THE END
-----
I love this, but I'd have to add that I'd watch the sports *I*
wanted to, buy cute undies for ME, shamelessly flirt with everyone I
want, have a dirty house cause I didn't feel like cleaning for a man,
not shave my legs all the time, and focus on my OWN LIFE!
Happily single, though it's tough being lonely sometimes. Just reminds me that being non-committed is fuckin' fun. Reminds me that I wouldn't have met Adam (who has been so good for me none of you even KNOW.) Reminds me that I wouldn't
have this job in January, that I'd be a miserable housewife and have NO
FREEDOM! So fuck it, as Adam has told me over and over...
You're 24. You don't need this. You need YOUR life. Live it and don't worry about it.
ps The Prestige was AMAZING! | | |
|
I torture myself, it's true
I think I need new birth control. I LOVE my nuvaring, for sure. Unfortunately, since I have been back on it I
have been thinking about everything with Brant and Betsy again. I've fallen back into old habits...reading
her away messages, her journal (what's not locked on people's friend's pages)
and having evil plotting thoughts and dreams about them. It just HURTS still, sometimes in a physical
way. I hate that she's happy with
him. Oddly enough, I am just indifferent
to Brant. I hate Betsy. I don't hate much, but I hate her through and
through. She used to be my best
friend. She used to be my love too at
one point, though I knew I couldn't be what she wanted. I regret a lot about her and about how I
acted with the both of them...but. She's
completely changed for the sake of him.
Her carefree spirit; gone. She is
caught in the fantasy of Brant's lifestyle.
She's basically a dumb housewife.
You know though, that could have been me. Hell it WAS me. I could have domesticated myself for the sake
of his dumb ass. But I didn't go that
way. I'm QUITE glad really. I look back and see how absolutely BORING he
made me and I cringe. Fuck that life. At least I know, they aren't married
yet. She has met the fam though
but...yeah. Brant could give a shit
about family, maybe beyond Erik. Do I
really want to be with someone who couldn't care less about their family? I LOVE my family! I would DIE without them! In the end, it never would have been what I
wanted.
As much as it hurts, as much as I want to cry right now I'm
NOT going to do it. I'm not. They are NOT worth my time or my tears. I have a kick-ass job that I wouldn’t have
EVER had without this. I have enjoyed my
family more that I have been able to in 5 years. I have little drama. I started going to Trinity again and I’ll be
involved in the music. I’ve met some great
people. I’ve been out with old friends
and new. I’ve gotten a LOT
of what I’ve wanted but gave up on for Brant. Aaron and I could finally “date” and I’ve
found him to be an amazing person. As
crazy as this is, I’d move to Tucson
to be closer to him. And I hate Tucson heh.
Anyway, with as busy as life is and as changing as it’s been
since May I am glad to be single. Any
real bf would never see me. I am totally
tuned to my kids right now. The
occasional date/hook-up, its ok, but I don’t feel like I need it. I can be me in the context of ME. Not a boy or a girl, me. Am I different? Yeah, of course I am. I remember telling Brant that I felt like I
could be me with him more than anyone else. Maybe that was true, but what me was it? I don’t think I’ve known exactly since I was
15. I’ve learned a lot about myself in
the past few months. I’ve seen a lot I
hated. I’ve seen a lot that I hadn’t
seen in a long time. So, I’m learning to
be me again and it’s been fantastic. It
hurts. It’s lonely. Sometimes, I still just want to die. I know there is a better life than that for
me. Plans have been set, things are in
motion.
I pray a lot. It’s
been cathartic. As I kneel after
communion, I always ask the same thing, “Show me. Not even just show me, help me open my eyes to
see what it is I’m here for, unclouded by my own deceptive mind. I love you and I can’t do this without you.” Sometimes, I don’t even know what it means. I just know that I need more help than just
myself and my friends. For me, God is
always there, no matter what. No, I’m
not going to turn weirdo fundie on you all. There’s just bigger than me, and I need the
help to get back to me. My life, it’s in
BOTH of our hands.
Ok, that was a long one but I think I needed that. I love you guys so much. Thank you for everything. I don’t get to tell you all enough how much
you mean to me, and I don’t want to every pass up that opportunity. So again, thank you and I love you.
| | |
| ...for a non-sexual cuddle buddy. Must be male and like to spoon
in bed. Giving good hugs a huge plus. Won't hurt if you're
cute too but eh...I don't think I could have sex right now if I wanted
to.
Any takers? | | |
|
I love you more than anything. That is what makes this so hard.
I
want you to feel better about your life. I want you to do things you
need to do for yourself. I just want to be there for you and love you
the best I can. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and
I'm not willing to give that up without a fight. We've been through a
lot so far. I'm not giving up on you. So if you need me, please just
call. I miss you so much already. I'm glad I called off "sick" today
because I am sick. My heart is sick. It wants to be selfish and upset
over your choice. It wants to love you the only way it knows how but it
can't. It wants to be with you until we're old and gray, with a couple
kids, grandkids and a life lived together. But that's not in the
picture now.
I want to kick and scream, to shout why even though
I know exactly why. Why god? Why now? Why right when I'm so close to
getting that "adult" life I wanted? I don't know how much of this I can
do without him. If anyone ever came close to a soulmate, this was
it...and somehow I blew it. I'm so sorry. I want to be perfect for you.
I know deep inside we're right together. I don't want to get my hopes
up and hurt myself. I don't want to think we'll get back together and
live happily ever after because...what if it never happens? But how can
I deny this? How can I deny how we work together, how well everything
just "fits?" I can't deny it, because it's there. It's never been there
with anyone else, and now it's gone...just like that.
I want to hate you. I can't because there's nothing to hate.
I can't stop reaching for my ring. I wish I had it right now. Maybe it'll come back to me someday.
| | |
|
I am now 24
Not
a whole bunch of people over last night but people I love were there,
so that's all that matters. Bree and Dallas came, along with Aaron and
my brother. Kristen bailed on me for Hari  but I still love her. Got
a ton of love over myspace/facebook and some happy emails. It'll be
cool to reunite with Valley friends from high school and GCC once I
move home.
Bree and I talked a LOT about everything. God I miss
her. I can't wait for her wedding reception. I am glad that once I'm
home I can be a coolio best friend again. It seems that no matter how
much time we spend apart, working on our own lives and being ourselves,
we can come back to being best friends again with ease, like nothing
ever happened. Maybe it's just the understanding we have with each
other that we're friends no matter what happens, even when we take time
off from each other. I mean, who's gonna let 11 years of friendship go
down the drain?
The prospects of adult life are creeping up on
me slowly. Where am I moving when I go home? Where will I teach? How
good am I going to be at this? How am I going to get a car with my
shitty credit? Hell how do I *fix* my shitty credit? How am I going to
consolidate my student loans? I wish there was one person I could go to
to get all the answers to this stuff and be done with it. Who knows,
there might be. If so I need to call them and befriend them.
Oh
btw my phone is a) broken, b) dead. I am switching over to Brant's old
phone sometimes SOON so if you can't get a hold of me and you'd like
to, shoot me an email or IM. Or call Brant if you know his number. He's
making me birthday dinner and bought me wine and roses. I love him. | | |
|
